Christian Parenting

GOD - What can I do to make God real to my children on a daily basis?

We have two little boys— Ethan will turn four in June and Elijah was three. Every evening my wife and I try to have a quiet time with the kids. We read from the Bible storybook; then we share what we did throughout the day. And we also pray. We’re trying to teach the kids that the Lord is always with them, every moment of the day. He is not somebody who has to be "officially" approached—"Oh-my-let’s go-before-God!" But I'm still looking for more ways to make God real for my kids.

As for other things you can do, you might occasionally read a story to your boys/girls and then act out the story to apply the message to their lives. And if you read a story about being kind just before going to bed, try to do something nice for someone the very next morning as you remind them,Remember our story last night before bed? Let’s be kind to Uncle next door today, shall we?

Also, one of the best tools you can invest in is a little tape recorder children can have right by their beds so they can play Scripture tapes and Bible stories. And, oh, yes, if you have a DVD player, don't forget the wonderful videos that are available now. Some have biblical settings and others are contemporary stories in which the main characters depend on God to get them out of all kinds of difficulties.

Should quiet time with the children emphasize entertainment? We should certainly make it fun for them, but our primary goal shouldn't be entertainment. Kids are constantly entertained anyway, so what we need are tools and techniques to have them settle down and have some quiet moments with God.

A tape recorder is a great tool for quieting them down because it has a calming effect. And sometimes, if the child is acting up, you can use it as a means of Reality Discipline—just remove the tape recorder for a night or two to let the child know that misbehavior results in losing something he or she really enjoys.


THANKFULNESS - Besides saying grace at meals, how can I teach my child to be thankful?

I've always been big on thanking God throughout the day for my wife, my children, my house, my strength. I exercise three times a week and even while I'm working out I thank God that my body can function as well as it does.
And when I pray with my four-year old son he hears me thank Him for things like that. But because he's only four, I still tend to do most of the leading in prayer time and I basically pray for him when he goes to bed. Sometimes I wonder if anything's getting through.

This is such a special day (asked him before we go to bed). I think we should pray. Ethan, do you want to pray?

And Ethan said,Yep, I just want to thank Jesus for all the things we got for today
That was the best present I got for this whole year, because it showed me something is getting through, and I was so very thankful for that.


I think it is really wonderful when children "catch" you having devotional time with the Lord. It's important for them to see you with your Bible open on your lap. They need to come upon you when you're praying. Perhaps you can invite them to sit by you. Maybe they'll participate in the prayer and maybe they won't, but that's okay, because they have seen you talking to God. They sense your dependence on Him and your thankfulness to Him. That's how God becomes very real to them.


BABYSITTERS - What is the best way to tell a baby-sitter what you expect—your rules and regulations?

No matter who your baby-sitter is, I think it's important to have written rules so she knows what to expect, or at least sit down and talk with her. I prefer leaving a written checklist which I post on the wall. Whenever I try to just tell the sitter what I want, it seems as if it's going in one ear and out the other. Sometimes things don't get done or they're done wrong.

What are your rules like? Read a few of them for us.

My first rule is that if the sitter has any problems or questions, she is to call whatever number I leave where I can be reached. If we're going to a movie, then I give her a backup number of friends who will be home that evening. I also leave emergency numbers, 999 number, plus our own address and phone number and directions to our house if she needs to give these to police or firemen.

In addition, I want the sitter to be sure all doors and sliders are locked and to draw all the drapes at night. I don't want someone looking in, watching my children and the sitter and realizing they're home alone. Also, she should be sure the front gate door is closed. If any food is taken out, it should be returned to the refrigerator in the proper container.


Some other points on my list are being sure the kids' dirty clothes are put in the laundry hamper, and that all the damp towels and wet washcloths are hung up to dry. And another one I really like is to check to make sure the kids haven't taken the receiver off the hook. Sometimes parents try to call home and the line is busy, and when they ask about it later, the sitter tells them, "Oh, the kids must have left the receiver off the hook." But if you leave them strict instructions to be sure this hasn't happened, then you can pretty well know why the line is busy if you try to call - it's the sitter talking to a boyfriend or girlfriend, or whoever.


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What is the best age to potty train my child?
From the standpoint of readiness, the usual age for potty training is the mid-twos. Children are generally not prepared until they're right around two and a half because they just argent able to control that function in their body before that time. Some moms who have attempted to potty train their children much earlier have found that they had dismal success because their kids just weren't ready.

WETTING - What is a good way to handle a child who wets his pants during the day?

ALISHA [a parent]: My six year old has been potty trained for over three years, but he still wets his pants quite often, especially when he's out playing. Any suggestions?
KEVIN [Dr. Kevin]: The Reality Discipline "standard order of procedure" is to give the child one pair of underwear a day. If he gets them wet, he comes in and the end of his day draws nigh, no matter what time it might be. He puts on his pajamas or his robe and he is to stay in the house. The idea is not to be punitive but you firmly but gently tell him his day has come to an end.
RANDY [Randy]: The one pair of underwear a day approach often works, but not always. Some friends of ours had a child who would wet his pants during the day, particularly when he got excited at school. They tried Reality Discipline and gave him only one pair of underwear a day. He didn't like that, but it still didn't change his total pattern. He'd still wet his pants fairly often.

So, they took him to a pediatrician who checked him out for any neurological impairment, which often is tied to lack of bladder control. There wasn't any, but then the doctor suggested that they look at any stress the boy might have in his life. They pinpointed his routine at school and made an agreement with their son's teacher that he be permitted to take regular breaks during the school day to use the rest room. This helped the problem, at least while he was in school.
Another thing the doctor suggested was to try to have their son hold more urine in his bladder before going to the bathroom. In this way he could stretch the bladder so that it would actually hold more and he'd have a greater sense of control. The bottom line is that their child is simply going through a stage. They have learned to take it in stride and the problem has decreased quite a bit.

KEVIN: I've also counseled kids who continued to wet their pants, even though the one pair of pants a day rule was invoked. But I still think that's the place to start. Then, if they need to change their routine, for example going to the rest room more often during the day, that's great, but the point is, they are becoming responsible for their own problem.


BEDWETTING - What are the causes?

KEVIN [Dr. Kevin]: The truth is, nobody knows the exact cause or causes. We do know that statistics show that bed wetting often runs in the family. Seventy-five percent of the kids who wet the bed have a close biological relative who bed wets or has in the past. But it's a big mystery as to why. All we can come up with are "predisposing factors." For example, sometimes slower muscle or neurological development can make bladder control more difficult for some kids. In other cases, some kids just have too small a bladder to hold a whole night's quantity of urine. Another factor may be delayed or lax potty training.
But maybe the biggest one of all is psychological stress. For example, a child may be hospitalized between the ages of two and four and this can cause bed wetting later. Sometimes when a child enters school he starts wetting the bed. Another common cause of stress is when a new baby brother or sister arrives to take the attention off the firstborn.

RANDY [Randy]: One of the things we hear from many parents is that kids who wet the bed are often deep sleepers. Parents can't even wake them up through the night to go to the bathroom because they're just too far gone into dreamland.

KEVIN: That's another thing—dreams. Sometimes a kid may wet the bed during his rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep because he's dreaming he's going to the bathroom and that's exactly what happens - in his bed! But, Randy, I'm wondering if, in some cases, the child isn't subconsciously depending on his parents instead of assuming personal responsibility for controlling his bladder?

You see, I'm from the old school, and I believe parents should keep the responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the child as much as possible. I don't mean ridicule him or pressure him, but simply leave it with him. It's his problem. He's the one who has to learn - and he will learn. As the statistics point out, ninety-nine out of a hundred stop by the time they are old enough to get married. Children do learn to control their bladders.

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NOT LISTENING - What do I do with two little boys who never seem to hear what I tell them?

BETH (a parent, asks): I've got two sons who are seven and five, and the only way I can get them to follow through and obey what I have asked them to do is stop them, look directly into their eyes, tell them what I want, and have them repeat back to me what I've said. This takes a lot of time, and I'm wondering if its the only thing I can do. Do you have any other ideas?

KEVIN (Dr. Kevin): You could ask almost any kid in America how many times does your mom have to call you for dinner? Most American children will say, "Three times. The first time is just sort of a general alert. The second time Mom raises her voice, and I know its getting close to being serious. The third time, she adds my middle name and that's when I know I better get home fast." With that kind of routine, parents train their kids not to listen.

BETH: You know, there's a difference between talking to your children and at your children. If I just walk by and say to one of my kids, "Time to pick up your toys, "he just doesn't hear me.
But if I turn around, look him right in the face and say, "Mother wants you to pick up your toys, now what did I just ask you to do?" then he will say, "Pick up my toys." And then I say, "Do I want you to do it now or in ten minutes?" And he’ll say, "You want me to do it now," and he does.

RANDY (Randy): All this takes time, Beth, but its just part of parenting this age level. Its amazing how children can go through screening at school for vision and hearing and come home and simply be totally deaf and blind as far as seeing the mess on the floor and hearing what Mom wants done with it.